24 and 27-year-old couple abandons their son because they weren't ready to be parents, wants him to treat their 3 younger kids like siblings when he's 17: 'I wasn't interested in them or their kids, none of them are my actual family'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 30, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

When a child is abandoned by or taken out of their biological parents' home, it usually doesn't mean that they're going to live with strangers for the rest of their lives. Kinship fostering and adoption are traditionally a much better alternative for kids in precarious family situations because it keeps them connected to some of their family. It does beg the question, what do the family members with custody do when the whole family all comes together? Do they keep the youngsters away from the family members who couldn't take care of them, or do they allow for some limited contact in order to maintain bonds?

The grandparents in this story have done so much right by their son. They took him in when their daughter allegedly couldn't care for him, and have stood up for him in the face of unfair pressures and demands made by his deadbeat parents. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10500110848
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for telling my biological parents to treat me like their new kids' uncle who they only see at family gatherings?

    I (17M) have been raised since birth by my maternal grandparents. Grandma and grandpa are mom and dad to me and that's what I call them. I'll call them that here. I'll call my bio mother Elsie and my bio father Johnny.
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    Cheezburger Image 10500113408
    via Rachel S

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Elsie and Johnny had me when they were 24 and 27. They told my mom and dad right before I was born that they weren't ready to be parents and Elsie asked if they'd raise me. My mom and dad agreed and they got custody of me after I was born and raised
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10500112640
    via Transly Translation Agency

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    me as theirs with the understanding of who my bio parents were and why I was so much younger than my siblings (or aunts and uncles biologically). I didn't have a relationship with any paternal side. So it was just my maternal family in my life.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 07
    I didn't see my bio parents growing up. They called my mom and dad occasionally but the relationship they had was incredibly strained and the calls stopped after a bunch of years. My mom found it difficult to come to terms with the lack of care Elsie and Johnny had for me.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 08
    They never asked how I was doing and I know mom couldn't understand that. My dad's attitude was always more of a "it's their loss" and he told me repeatedly what a great kid I was and how I was the best son- grandson-son he could've ever had.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 09
    When I was 14 my bio parents got married and they invited everyone in the family, including me. My parents chose not to go because I didn't want to go. I think they only would've gone if I wanted to be there. But I feel nothing for Elsie or Johnny. In my eyes Elsie's the sister I never knew and that's fine by me.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 10
    Some of my siblings did go to the wedding and they told us Elsie was pregnant. That was actually the first time I ever saw my mom so angry. She was furious that they had invited me and would have sprung that on me at the wedding. Her momma bear came out that day. I didn't care but I
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    told my parents I didn't want to get in the way of them knowing the newest grandchild if they wanted to try and work on the relationship with Elsie and Johnny.
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    My parents decided to open up a small amount of contact with Elsie and Johnny again but they shut that for a while because Elsie wanted mom to visit and stay with her for the birth and everything and she expected her to leave me behind for at least a month. They did start talking
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    again after another year and Elsie was pregnant again and then she had another kid since. Apparently they wanted more but Elsie's age and her complicated pregnancies got in the way.
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    Elsie, Johnny and their kids are included a bit more in the wider family. I've seen them a coupe of times. But I don't hang out with them. The last time was a couple of weeks ago and they told me we needed to talk and figure out my relationship with their kids and what we should tell them. I
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    rolled my eyes at the we part. Then I told them there was no we in that but they should treat me like their kids' uncle who they only see at family gatherings. They looked shocked by that and Johnny said they thought I'd want to be a brother. I told them I already am, the baby brother, but
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    still the brother. I said I wasn't interested in them or their kids and that none of them are my actual family. They said my expectations are unrealistic and I'm the brother not the uncle. I said my parents are the people who raised me, Elsie is their daughter, making us siblings. I said they were no mom or dad to me and should keep at that.
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    They got really annoyed by my response and they said I was not only unrealistic but I should be a part of what their kids know. I ignored them so they started calling to yell at my parents and my parents went off on them.
    via u/Jazzifinens
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    They said they handle it how they did. Be honest but treat it exactly as I explained because that's the reality that they (Elsie and Johnny) established. It's caused way more of a reaction than I expected. AITA for it?
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 19
    Contribution4afriend Oh no! Their babysitter doesn't want to work for free! NTA
    via u/Contribution4afriend
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    akestral This is it. They've gone and had three-under-three in their early 40s, and are probably treading water domestically. They see OP as an option to offload some of that work, just as they saw Elsie's parents as a place to park their eldest without any effort on their part. Sorry your sister and her husband are being pills, OP. I'd ignore them and tell your mom to set them straight if they keep pressing.
    via u/akestral
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    Mykona-1967 Nail on the head right here. They expected OP to be starved for their love that they could use it to their advantage. Every visit would be OP babysitting the kids while Elsie and Johnny did something else away from home and call it sibling bonding. Nope OP saw it for what it was and noped out of it.
    via u/Mykona-1967
  • 22
    SecretValentine_ Definitely NTA. Your bio parents had their chance to be parents and they gave it up. Your grandparents are the ones who raised you and they are your real parents. It's understandable that you don't have a strong bond with your bio parents and that you don't want to be treated as their child. Just because they have more kids now doesn't change the fact that they were absent for most of your life. Stick to your guns and don't let them pressure you into a relationship that you're n
    via u/SecretValentine_
  • 23
    _hangry_forever_ NTA. I think they are delusional to think you'd actually want a relationship at all. I'm surprised you talk to them at all I know I wouldn't. You are better than me, they threw you away and started a new family without even considering how it would make you feel. I'm glad your parents are there for you.
    via u/_hangry_forever_
  • 24
    Crazy4Swayze420 NTA. There terrified because of the truth coming out and turning their kids against them would be my best guess so they trying to fix it now so they can hide their true colors.
    via u/Crazy4Swayze420
  • 25
    IAmTAAlways NTA, legally, you are Elsie's sibling and you are not her legal child. So yea, legally you are the uncle to their other bio kids. They were 24 and 27 when they had you? Not 14 & 17 years old? That's messed up. They weren't ready for a child in their mid 20s (!!!!), they don't get the pleasure of pretending they were parents when they were failures.
    via u/IAmTAAlways
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    Minnie_091220 Right?! That's the craziest part to me! They weren't kids. They were adults who at 24 and 27 should have been well established enough to care for a child. I got married at 23 and we immediately started trying for kids and had our first when I was 25. I can't even fathom not being ready enough in your mid twenties
    via u/Minnie_091220

    It would also be so different if he were the result of a one-night stand, but as far as we can tell from this post, there was no real reason that they couldn't have stepped up as a unit and taken responsibility for their actions. 

  • 27
    the_noi Sure, be honest if that's the preference: “hi siblings, I'm your older sibling that mum and dad abandoned and then forgot about." would that really be better?
    via u/the_noi

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Tags

family drama entitled parents teenager teenage teenagers bad parenting bad parents good parenting family grandparents son parents couple Parenting FAILS
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